Happy December!

My second-favourite month of the year (after September!) - perhaps it's odd to rate the months, but there you go... Christmas cards are largely written, presents ordered (God bless the internet) and in a few weeks' time decorations will go up. Found it very difficult this year to find advent calendars - especially those without chocolate. It seems like cheating to have chocolate every day on the run up to Christmas; you appreciate the Quality Streets far more on the day if you haven't been stuffing yourself for the previous twenty-four! Rather disturbingly, flatmate has been bought an advent calendar by his mother entitled - and I kid you not - Sexy Ladies. Each day contains a chocolate and a picture of a half-naked young woman (usually with a vacant expression). The true meaning of Christmas...

Watched the BBC's adaptation of Henning Mankell's Wallander series on Sunday. Starring (directed by? produced by?) Kenneth Branagh, I knew it could turn into something of an ego performance. I haven't yet read any of the original novels - though I borrowed one from the local library yesterday - so I can't really comment on how true the adaptation is to Mankell's writing. I have to admit, I found it a little difficult to get into the story. It seemed to be full of 'arty' shots and overly dramatic crescendos of orchestral music. This is always worrying in a TV show - it seems to imply that the story itself needs crutches, that it can't stand alone on its own merit. However, by the end of the episode I was in tears. It was a beautifully-told story, and the overriding theme of fathers and sons was very powerfully portrayed. The only slight niggle was the casting: when the majority of the secondary characters are relatively unknown, but one is recognisable, chances are they are going to have something to do with the final denouement...

Have been thinking a lot over the past few weeks about what happens next, career-wise. I had a slight panic when I realised all my PhD colleagues are applying for jobs (apparently one applies in January for posts which start in September - regardless of whether one has the qualification yet). I spent eight hours over the weekend searching for jobs and - surprise, surprise - there are none. It seems that unless an academic subject is 'economically viable', there is no funding available to pay for either researchers or newly-qualified lecturers. After seven years of higher education (let alone the seven years of secondary and seven years of primary), it was a little galling to see post after post in the sciences and social sciences, but not a thing for the humanities. To be perfectly honest, at this stage in the game, I need to get a regular income; I have some savings, but they won't last forever. So, I sat down and thought properly about the future for the first time in ages. And the more I thought, the more I realised that the struggles of the past few years seem to be down to the fact that, although I am proud of what I am achieving and realise the benefit of pushing my intellect with this research, I'm not really enjoying myself. At the moment, the potential of a career in academia makes me feel stressed. There is very little job security, and one's position eternally depends on the research one produces. Perhaps because of this, it feels as though the work never ends: it is not as though you complete a project and move onto the next one - you are constantly working, there are constantly things you haven't done, so you never really get the chance to leave it behind. And if you aren't really enjoying it in the first place, then that is a fairly big commitment to make. So, I thought, what do I really love? Short answer - books and reading. If I could, I would spend my whole life reading books and digesting them. I am good at editing and analysing text (I've edited two academic books, and a large proportion of academic research is about analysing text), and I enjoy the challenges presented by new material. On this basis, I've decided to try and get some work experience with several publishing firms, with a view to moving sideways into publishing once I've finished the PhD. As ever, we shall see...

On a slightly happier note, it's our seventh anniversary today. Seven sounds like a big number, but it does seem to have whipped by very quickly! Out to dinner tonight - he's paying...